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So I'm an unmarried mum

By November 06, 2017


Single tier wedding cake covered in white icing and raspberries with bride and groom figurines

It's 2017, not being married and having a child really shouldn't be an issue, should it?

When we planned little one, my other half and I weren't concerned that we weren't married, nor were we engaged to be married. We had a joint bank account, we'd been together for years and we'd got a mortgage together. We'd made plenty of commitments to each other, without feeling the need to go and get hitched before having a baby, but then I took a trip to see my midwife around the half way mark of my pregnancy and discovered that, apparently, it was a big deal!

I was sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called in when a woman with 3 young kids and a newborn walked in. There was an elderly woman in the waiting room with us, too, she immediately told the woman that had just walked in that she mustn't have any more children and that there are too many in the world. I put my head down and covered my bump with my coat. I really didn't want to get into any sort of altercation with her! A few minutes later the elderly woman had a go at the other woman for supposedly leaving her baby unattended laying on the chair. I couldn't see whether she had or not as the open door was blocking my view of the baby, but even if she had, should she really be 'outing' her in the waiting room? Rightly so, the woman and her kids walked out and who could blame them? But that then meant it was my turn...

'What are you here for?' she asked me.
I should have said 'none of your business' or turned it around on her and asked her what she was there for, but I didn't. Me, being me answered honestly and so I told her that I was waiting to see the midwife.
'Are you pregnant?'
Cue sarcastic thought: 'why else would I be seeing the midwife'.
'Yes,' I told her.
'Are you married?'
Somehow I just knew she was going to ask me that. I'd even been covering my ring finger with my coat so she couldn't see it was ringless.
'No,' I admitted, truthfully. Why didn't I lie? I yelled at myself. It's not like she was going to know any different was. I could've just said my fingers had swelled with the pregnancy and my ring didn't fit me anymore, but no, I had to tell the truth again, didn't I?


She then proceeded to tell me that I must marry before the baby was born and that there's a name for babies born out of wedlock.

Yes, I know, I thought to myself. I was one too. My parents married when I was two months old and have now been together for 30 years. I then proceeded to tell the nosy woman my life history as if I needed to justify my out of wedlock baby. We've been together 4 and a half years! We've got a mortgage! Alas, none of this was good enough for her.

I was relieved when the midwife called me in to her room and, of course, I had a moan about the nosy women in the waiting room next door, but what could she do?

Maybe it was just a generation thing? Even though, my grandparents and my other half's grandparents have no issue with us not being unmarried and having brought a baby into this world, it would appear that not all of the older generation felt this way.

But then there's been comments from others too. At my 6 week post birth check up the doctor assumed I was a single parent and wanted to make sure I had enough support from other family members and at a hospital check up for little one, I was asked whether I was married, which hardly seemed a relevant question during baby's check up.

I'm sure there are plenty of unmarried parents out there. Does it make us any less of parents - absolutely not! If it's not a big deal for us, I can't understand why others feel the need to comment on it!


So! I'm an Unmarried Mum (1)

 
Me, Being Mummy Bringing up GeorgiaHot Pink WellingtonsBurnished Chaos
JakiJellz

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34 comments

  1. I think it's shocking people still have those views this day in age. I remember going on holiday with my mum when I was little and her being mortified by some older people saying within earshot how unmarried mothers were disgusting- she'd been divorced at that point about 2 years having split up with my dad as he'd had an affair. After that she started wearing her wedding ring again just for that reason and always stayed a Mrs. You certainly don't need to be married to be a good parent and like you I'd have seriously have to have bitten my tongue to keep quiet!! #familyfunlinky

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    1. Thank you for reading & commenting :) How awful for someone to say that and for you and your mum to hear!

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  2. It's nobody else's business. Eesh! It is such an outdated way to think.
    My fella and I have been together for over 11 years and we have no intention to get married...Some of the older generation need to wind their necks in and leave people alone. x

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    1. Thanks for commenting! :) Some people just don't seem able to stop themselves from sharing their (outdated) opinions!

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  3. Hopefully its just a generation thing but she sounds like a horrible, nosy elderly woman. Some of the happiest people we know are not married x #FamilyFun #HoneyBeeLinky

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  4. Who cares as long as you are all happy. I got married to my ex husband after we had our second child as people kept telling us we should and it was a big mistake! I have married again, but this time because I wanted to not because soceity told me to.
    #FamilyFun

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    1. Agreed! We are happy as we are. Thanks for commenting :)

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  5. I too am an unmarried mum, but not a single one. I can relate to this a lot. Whilst I don't feel the need to be married I would like to just because of all the connotations and irritations that go with having s family when not married. I also gave our children both our surnames as I didn't want them not to have mine. Ultimately though it should be our decision because it's right for us not be cause it is expected of us. Thanks for joining us at #familyfun

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    1. It's nice to know there are others in the same boat as us. Thanks for commenting and for having me at #FamilyFun

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  6. So glad you wrote this!!! Back when my elder 3 were little (3 under 3 what a lunatic!!!) People (usually elderly people) would really upset me with their comments on how they couldn't believe anyone would want to bring children into such an awful world....and glance at the bare ring finger (I was with their dad for 9 years!!) Now I'm a single mum of 4 I do have a bit of a chip on my shoulder I must admit!! #HoneybeeLinky

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    1. It's so awful how people feel the need to comment on how other's live their lives, isn't it? I don't understand why people think whether you're married or not effects the upbringing of your child(ren).

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  7. It totally doesn’t matter, it sounds like the old woman had a bee in her bonnet that day and would have found insult for anything! I’m not married but have a firm family unit. I would like the same surname as my children though! X
    #fortheloveofblog

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    1. Yes, she was definitely not a happy lady that day. I'd love to have the same name as my daughter too. Thanks for commenting :)

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  8. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. We all are different and we all have our different stories/backgrounds. You are, who you are, and that is what makes you, You.To bad that people have to be nosy. Don't listen to other people or let them make you feel less of a person! I'm glad that you wrote this post to show others about what you went through and how you were treated!

    -Natalie A

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  9. Can't believe you've had people say things like that! It's only your business and no one else's. #blogcrush

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment :)

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  10. This post made me feel so cross - how rude are so people!! We are all different and as long as our children are loved and cared for then it doesn't matter. Sorry you had to go through this lovely #sharingthebloglove

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    1. I couldn't have said it better myself, Natalie :)

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  11. Sounds to me like a very bitter individual who felt it was her right to stick her nose into other people's business. No one is born to be so negative, she is obviously a product of her upbringing and/or life's experience. Well done for being true to yourself and standing by your circumstances, being an unmarried mum is certainly nothing to feel ashamed of. I'm one myself and I couldn't give two hoots!haha! Thank you for joining in with the HoneyBee Linky again! Hope to see you next time lovely! xxx

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    1. I'm so glad that others don't feel the same way as she did and there's others who are unmarried mums too. Thanks for your supportive words :)

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  12. You are right we don't need to justify ourselves to anyone. #fortheloveofBLOG

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  13. I'm surprised that people have this view these days, as it is just the normal for so many. I actually think that having a mortgage with someone is a pretty big commitment and sometimes harder to get out of, than a marriage! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. I always say the same thing about a mortgage being more difficult to get out of.

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  14. Completely agree with you. It really doesn't matter if you're married or not when having kids and it's 100% your decision and you shouldn't have to explain why you're not married to strangers. Great post, thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofBLOG x

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    1. I'm glad you agree. Thank you for reading & commenting :)

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  15. What a nosy woman! It doesn't matter a bit whether you're married or not, and I'm not exactly sure how it affects anyone else anyway? I'm sure it must be a generational thing, I know loads of unmarried parents and it doesn't affect their parenting one little bit! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. I can't see how it affects their parenting either. Thanks for commenting :)

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  16. That woman sounds like an old bag! My baby was born out of wedlock too, luckily no one seemed bothered, or if they were I didn't notice! It's literally no one else's business. I think health professionals sometimes just use the wrong language by accident, and it's hard to know what's going to offend different people. That old woman though can stick it up her arse! #BlogCrush

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    1. Love this comment! Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts.

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  17. wow, my gran had no issues when i announced i was pregnant and had no intention of marrying and would raise my baby single handedly, that was 25 years ago, she was then 73, the same age my mother is now, my mother holds no opinion in that respect either and it would never enter any of our heads to actually ask anyone if they were married or not when they told us they were pregnant
    triumphanttales

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    1. I'm glad you had good family support around you. Thank you so much for commenting :)

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